12 years a mum - My birth stories -1

Welcome to Neeollas corner, 

Yesterday, as I celebrated 12 years of being a mum (my first son's 12th birthday). I decided to return back to bloging, and it sure feels good to be back here after my hiatus 😊

Many times I wanted to share my birth stories, and then for some reason, I procrastinate or talk myself out of it. 

Some times, I want to do it, because I enjoy writing/ telling my stories, some times, it’s because I feel we all have our various struggles and challenges, and just knowing that we are not alone, sharing our experiences might help others understand themselves, and deal with situations better.  

I am blessed with 3 beautiful boys, who do my head in, as much as they warm my fuzzy heart. Each of their birth stories is different, yet memorable in its own way. 

 PREGNANCY WITH R1- my first-born child. 

This pregnancy was hassle-free, I presented none of the regular pregnancy symptoms apart from my protruding stomach, no sickness, cravings, no increased appetite or reduced energy level, nothing, relatively boring, I used to wish for cravings. Safe to say, everything was just right, until the 39th week. 

The details are fuzzy, but I remember landing in the hospital, got assigned a bed, only for the health team to decide minutes later it was false labour and I was released to go home. 

D-DAY

Two days after my false labour, I had just finished a walk with MIL, when I started having the urge to pee like, less than 10 minutes apart. Surely, that wasn’t labour 🤔? I mean aside from the usual Braxton hicks; I had read about 1 too many times. MIL was convinced it was pre-labour; she made some calls and started timing my visits to the toilet. The intervals became shorter and more frequent. 

Not to take chances, MIL insisted we leave for the hospital to avoid Lekki-Ikoyi traffic, and that decision turned to be a good one. Good thing my Mum, already made sure, since I hit month 5, I had a hospital bag permanently in the car, so there was nothing to pack, just to hop in the car. It took almost 2 hours to get to the hospital in Ikoyi, from Lekki Phase 1(those familiar with Lagos, you get the pic).

AT THE HOSPITAL

Right at the hospital entrance, I met my gynecologist, an elderly man, Dr. E stepping out of the hospital. “Asmau!! How are you?” he asked with concern, as he immediately walked back into the hospital with me. 

Turned out, it was his last day at that hospital, he was retiring and had clocked out officially, however, he had to stay back and attend to me. He took me in for a quick check and questioning, and it was then I told him, what I didn’t tell anyone before, I had “spotted” (had blood stains) earlier in the day, but I thought nothing of it; I didn’t want to make a fuss, after the false labour of days before. 

After some minutes of examination, & questioning, I could tell Dr. E was concerned, he called another Dr. for a second opinion, and together it was discovered I had “Placenta Abruptio”. Immediately, I was told I needed to go in for emergency surgery.

I was like, huh😕? He explained that the placenta carrying the baby was separated from the womb, cutting the baby’s support system, happens in about 1% of pregnancies.  

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/placental-abruption/symptoms-causes/syc-20376458

https://www.webmd.com/baby/what-is-placental-abruption#1

AWAY FROM MY PLAN 

This wasn’t the plan, I thought, I had read everything about pregnancy from Baby Centre, and the book “what to expect when you are expecting”: 

https://www.amazon.com/What-Expect-When-Youre-Expecting-dp-0761189246/dp/0761189246/ref=dp_ob_title_bk

 a loaned gift to me from my colleague & friend. (I am not sure if he stole, or borrowed it from his sister 😊).  Anyway, I read everything about pregnancy, except the last chapter on “CS and when things go wrong”. That wasn’t for me; I had no reason to read about stuff like that (😅😅🙈)

My plan was to go through all the stages of labour I had so much looked forward to, for my water to break and the all-famous labour pain, which I hoped will confirm my pain threshold ( please don't judge me 🙈). You know, all the things I considered the norm. 

PRE-SURGERY 

Forgive my naivety, but I cried and begged Dr. E to chill, I mean wait till tomorrow or something. I cried, not because of any religious belief, or that I thought lesser of CS, but because I was curious about childbirth, I wanted the whole process. I remember Dr. E’s face and words clearly till date: “Asmau, there are 3 things I would not jeopardize here, your life, baby’s life and my career”. He said this as he made calls for the anesthetist and other medical team to prep for surgery. My MIL was informed, Hubby was on his way, calls were being made while I was whining, and crying for being denied my “labour” (as per Queen of Sufferhead). The matron called me aside, short of spanking my silly head; she gave me the pep talk and added I shouldn’t waste time, as they needed to prep me for surgery. 

This was early evening, and when reality dawned on me, I became hungry, and especially thirsty lol. I begged for water but I wasn’t allowed.  Hubby was there as they wheeled me into theatre, who knows what must have gone through his head. I should ask him. Poor Man, he has had quite the experience through all 3-birth histories. 

INSIDE THE THEATRE 

Theatre was an experience; I was quite the entertainment for the team. I did a little drama before I took the spinal epidural injection on my back 

(Don’t blame me). I felt the first cut of the surgical blade, it felt just like a razor cut and I told the team exact that, the doctors worried about the efficacy of the given analgesic, but the anesthetist insisted I had the right dose, & convinced them I was numbed from the waist down when I couldn’t lift my legs.

I remember drifting on and off in between, passing side commentaries that made the team laugh, my sense of humor was on fleek , I felt the tug as they brought out the baby,  and I remember the nurse bringing R1 to me, just before taking him away for washing. I told the Gynecologist to hurry up with what he was doing, so I could leave the operating theatre (please don’t ask, where I was rushing to )

 

Lord be praised, all was fine, I was wheeled out a couple of hours later, saw hubby, everyone and slept off like a baby 😌

THE MORNING AFTER

The next day, at some point,  I felt my legs were cold or something, I asked hubby to massage them, and after what felt like an eternity, I complained that he didn’t give me a massage as requested and then everybody was like 😱ah! he has been massaging me for a long time, his hands were still on my legs. Apparently, my legs were still numb from the effects of the anesthetic. The doctor was asked and he assured us that all was well and it would wear off. 

 

FAMILY LOVE

By midday, I had a full house, including my mum from out of town. She definitely traveled at crack of dawn. For the next few days, it was interesting to see everyone, my family, in-laws, and colleagues. My father-in-law also traveled to Lagos and spent time in the hospital with us, throughout; I felt loved and was surrounded by love. Lots of activity in my hospital room, sometimes the nurses and doctors had to beg some to excuse them. My room was filled with food and fruits, none of which I could eat. Being a foodie, that for me, was torture. Hubby meanwhile, was hustling hospital, home, errands, and work all through; All the free time hubby had while I was pregnant and without craving, he made up for in plenty hospital visits and post CS care. I am totally pro Paternity leave. 

FEEDING 

Watching people eat, and drink when I couldn’t even drink water was tough. I was very thirsty and despite my pleas, it wasn’t until Dr. E gave the okay, it was evening time (24hours post-surgery) and I can swear they served me no more than 20mls of diluted juice. I probably gave the nurse a stinky eye as she handed it to me. By the 2nd or 3rd day post-surgery, I was introduced to pap and light meal, normally proper food isn’t introduced until you fart. Let’s not bother about the details. 

COUGHING

Your right of passage post-surgery isn’t complete without THE COUGH, coughing at this point is so hard, it is very painful and feels like your intestines are going to pop out. In actual fact, there’s a little chance the suture can rupture (I found that out years later). My mum, having had a CS herself, taught me to place a pillow or apply some sort of pressure on the CS site and gently cough or just clear my throat the Nigerian way. (Only an actual demonstration with sounds can do justice to it). These painful bouts of cough interestingly happen post-surgery, kind of a side effect of the meds. 

FIRST WALK

On the 4th day post-CS, the nurse told me to stand up and walk, all I had done before then was sat up, with support for eating or breastfeeding. I screamed at 1st attempt, I was convinced I couldn’t stand, but the nurse made sure she pulled me up and made me take a stroll outside my room. It was refreshing to walk around and see others aside from my family and the team attending to me. I got back to the room to face yet another hurdle, sitting back down was harder, and I told the nurse I didn’t want to sit again 😀. Yes, I guess I am a drama queen, I kept walking around till I could no more and somehow I landed back on my bed. I practiced standing and sitting for some time till I was able to walk and was discharged to go home. 

NAMING CEREMONY

Typical of Muslims, we had a naming event on the 8th day of birth, this was on a Monday, which meant only close relatives, and friends were in attendance with the clerics. It was a full house considering all the family that came. Once the child was named, and prayers were said, I was back to my room nursing, resting, receiving visitors and gifts in cash and baby items. Between my mum and MIL, and the many grandmas in attendance, they fed me like a frog, from Amala to all sorts. Family members got to bond as well, some only seeing after a long time. There was a lot to eat and drink.

That’s about all I remember about that day. Life continued with the support of the 2 grandmas till my mum had to leave back for work. We had a proper naming ceremony hosting for our actual friends, the weekend after and it was nice and fun, and young 😉, it was a relaxed indoor and outdoor affair. I still had a bandage attached to my tummy, but I didn’t mind moving around saying hello to mine and hubby’s friends and colleagues. I didn’t have to return to my room, I had expressed more than enough milk to last the day. I still look at some of the pictures from that day with nostalgia, seeing how much has changed of the people in the pictures. Some we are barely in touch with, and some have become family. 

OH NO!!!

Life returned to normal, or so I thought until I started noticing swelling and pain along the CS site, it got worse and we went back to the hospital. The wound site had been infected (oh oh!). What caused it? I don’t know, but the suspicion was the cotton wool I use for cleaning the site daily was not sterile. Who knew there was such a thing as sterile cotton wool? Well, that at the time was the worst time of my life, the pain was so much, I would walk hunched over, I was convinced in my mind, there was no way I would ever walk straight again, I would go to the hospital now and then for dressing, which included having the pus-filled CS site drained using a syringe. The pain, you bet is unimaginable. For someone that hates taking drugs, I took loads and loads of them, this was made easier with the help of faithful morsels of Amala or Eba in which I would wrap the pills, massage in draw soup for easy swallowing. 

THE GOOD STUFF

For some reason, I manage to do exclusive breastfeeding through it. I couldn’t avoid it if I wanted, I was producing more milk than my son could take, and often I poured them away with guilt. I could express 4 bottles at a go, and once that’s done, I would sleep like a baby, knowing no one will wake me to feed the little man. Before he is done finishing, I have expressed yet another batch. My MIL could never wrap her head around it, considering I ate mostly noodles and swallow because I had pills to take, and not the pap they recommend.  

FUNNY THING HAPPENED

One of my colleagues came visiting, and on noticing how very light-skinned R1 was, said: “Eniola, your son is Oyinbo oh, are you sure, he is for your husband” 😱😳my chest right! It was the funniest, most ridiculous thing to say, considering she said it right there in front of my MIL, mum, and other visitors. Good thing, there was no cause for doubt, good thing R1 came out looking a whiter version of his dad with his trademark “W” hairline. After she left, both mums abused her, saying “O go oro” - she was tactless. I don’t know if this counts, but she is not Yoruba. If she ever gets to read this: Hey Babes, you called that on yourself, next time ask me quietly or just say nothing lol. 

ABOUT R1 

I love every bit about parenting this little man, he was such a beautiful baby, still a cutie at 12years, he is quite a smarty-pants too, he learnt to wink at around 5 months, because I winked at him a lot, I remember the minders at the crèche nearly having a fit the 1st time they saw him wink, they thought something was wrong lol. We had the adventure, but this is about his birth and not about him.

Sorry, if this is not quite the read, you were expecting, but that’s the thing with non-fiction, it is what it is. It is my experience, one of my 3 birth stories. 

Sometimes, we have our expectations of life, and then life says, not quite my darling, this will be totally different from the norm. 

Now, when I hear there’s a 1% chance of something happening, I take it to mean, don’t knock it off, sometimes that 1% can be you or I. 

Also, I’ll say, there are no norms, only what we know of, or are used to. All childbirths are normal, all experiences are valid, if we all tell our stories, perhaps we will know that we are experiences are more “norm”, than we think they are. 

I hope you enjoyed reading this; if you would like to read about my other 2 birth stories, let me know so I can get writing. 

And if you don’t, well I will still write them, maybe just not right away. 

My favourites at the time: 

https://www.whattoexpect.com/

https://www.babycenter.com/

Thought to share some of the tons of pictures I harrassed someone to take 😁; kindly leave your comments or feedback on here, would love to have your thoughts, also; it will hopefully give me some ginger to keep up this page. Thank you.